Wednesday, March 5, 2014
A Love Letter
Its hard to believe it's been a month I said my final goodbye to you, each and every minute has been filled with memories.
Our journey began December 29, 1978 - 35 years ago with under lying voices saying our marriage wouldn't last, guess we proved them wrong didn't we? I remember the first time you asked me out, I hesitated then said yes, and quickly stood you up, I stood you up a total of 7 times. I wasn't ready for a relationship with anyone, it wasn't a reflection upon you directly, any relationship just wasn't in the cards for me. My priority was my daughter, then 7 years old. You were persistent, I finally caved and we went out to dinner, slowly getting to know each other. The obstacles that followed from others were so great we left our home in our small town and began a life around the lake. The first winter was rough financially, there wasn't any work for the equipment, money was tight. We took Nellie Belle the old jeep and cut tons of wood to heat our home. She was a stubborn thing, we might make it over to the woods only to sit for hours until she decided to start. Those hours were spent with long talks about the dreams we shared for our future. We spent many hours quilting together on a quilt, all of those hours are in the first journal I began. You put together a trot line to catch fish for us to eat, shot deer and turkey, we literally lived off the land, although the year was 1979 you would have thought we lived in the 1800's. Many thought because we lived at the lake we were rich, rich in love and happiness yes, not in dollars. Oh the memories flow easily and put a smile on my face.
After a fashion the decision was made to move back to our small town, and you bought an over the road truck and we spent the next 5 years of our marriage with you driving over the road, only to come home every 2 weeks. You changed companies and we moved back to the lake, so you could come in from 2 different interstates and be home every week. When deregulation came in, the bottom fell out with the trucking, you sold the truck and bought a loader and our lives revolved around loaders, a bull dozer, backhoes, an 18 wheeler and many many parts. Our journey began again moving dirt for a living. I quickly became your gopher, getting in ditches to help lay pipe, running parts, flagging the moving of equipment, and being your constant companion riding with you while you looked at jobs. You worked until the Alzheimer's and Parkinson took over your little body and mind. One of the hardest decisions I had to make at the time was to have an auction. Many things came out of the house, all of the remaining parts and tools were sold we were headed for another journey.
Our lives took another turn. Many trips to Kansas City to doctors and specialists trying anything to help ease your discomfort. The last 3 1/2 years were spent trying to keep you on your feet and playing games with your little mind convincing you to try and eat. December 12, 2013 our world was rocked off it's axis with yet another diagnosis. There are no words to describe what your mind goes through, you can't think straight, you instantly cry, cry a lot and realize another battle is upon us. We tried a new chemo pill hoping the doctor would be right and it would buy us a year. Those days were rough ones, more for you than for me, I tried everything I could to make you as comfortable as I could, the chemo pill wasn't working reality soon sat in our days were numbered. The last few weeks we spent many a night with me feeding you ice cream at all hours of the night. Oh Mr. P I would give anything to do it all over again.
On February 12, 2014, 2 months to the day I put you in the hospital you left me and Miss Scooter to meet your Heavenly Father. You flew on wings of angels to be met with His open arms. There's a huge void around our home now. I'm trying to cope each day as best I can, some days are better than others. For all the love you gave me I can't thank you enough. The past 35 years have been filled with more joy and memories than any one person deserves. You were such a gift to me, I'm writing this as a memorial to you and the love we shared, just the two of us, a love of ups and downs, mostly ups. Lots of laughter, kidding each other, flirting all of our marriage keeping the early days of our marriage alive until the last days, and you thought the days of journal entries were over, no my love they continue. I miss you so much... as you would say each time you left the house or kissed me good night... I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.
Love you, Lynne