Wednesday, March 5, 2014

A Love Letter

Dear Mr P,
Its hard to believe it's been  a month I said my final goodbye to you, each and every minute has been filled with memories.
Our journey began December 29, 1978 - 35 years ago with under lying voices saying our marriage wouldn't last, guess we proved them wrong didn't we? I remember the first time you asked me out, I hesitated then said yes, and quickly stood you up, I stood you up a total of 7 times. I wasn't ready for a relationship with anyone, it wasn't a reflection upon you directly, any relationship just wasn't in the cards for me. My priority was my daughter, then 7 years old. You were persistent, I finally caved and we went out to dinner, slowly getting to know each other. The obstacles that followed from others were so great we left our home in our small town and began a life around the lake. The first winter was rough financially, there wasn't any work for the equipment, money was tight. We took Nellie Belle the old jeep and cut tons of wood to heat our home. She was a stubborn thing, we might make it over to the woods only to sit for hours until she decided to start. Those hours were spent with long talks about the dreams we shared for our future. We spent many hours quilting together on a quilt, all of those hours are in the first journal I began. You put together a trot line to catch fish for us to eat, shot deer and turkey, we literally lived off the land, although the year was 1979 you would have thought we lived in the 1800's. Many thought because we lived at the lake we were rich, rich in love and happiness yes, not in dollars. Oh the memories flow easily and put a smile on my face.

After a fashion the decision was made to move back to our small town, and you bought an over the road truck and we spent the next 5 years of our marriage with you driving over the road, only to come home every 2 weeks. You changed companies and we moved back to the lake, so you could come in from 2 different interstates and be home every week. When deregulation came in, the bottom fell out with the trucking, you sold the truck and bought a loader and our lives revolved around loaders, a bull dozer,  backhoes, an 18 wheeler and many many parts. Our journey began again moving dirt for a living. I quickly became your gopher, getting in ditches to help lay pipe, running parts, flagging the moving of equipment, and being your constant companion riding with you while you looked at jobs. You worked until the Alzheimer's and Parkinson took over your little body and mind. One of the hardest decisions I had to make at the time was to have an auction. Many things came out of the house, all of the remaining parts and tools were sold we were headed for another journey.

 Our lives took another turn. Many trips to Kansas City to doctors and specialists trying anything to help ease your discomfort. The last 3 1/2 years were spent trying to keep you on your feet and playing games with your little mind convincing you to try and eat. December 12, 2013 our world was rocked off it's axis with yet another diagnosis. There are no words to describe what your mind goes through, you can't think straight, you instantly cry, cry a lot and realize another battle is upon us. We tried a new chemo pill hoping the doctor would be right and it would buy us a year. Those days were rough ones, more for you than for me, I tried everything I could to make you as comfortable as I could, the chemo pill wasn't working reality soon sat in our days were numbered. The last few weeks we spent many a night with me feeding you ice cream at all hours of the night. Oh Mr. P I would give anything to do it all over again.

On February 12, 2014,  2 months to the day I put you in the hospital you left me and Miss Scooter to meet your Heavenly Father. You flew on wings of angels to be met with His open arms. There's a huge void around our home now. I'm trying to cope each day as best I can, some days are better than others. For all the love you gave me I can't thank you enough. The past 35 years have been filled with more joy and memories than any one person deserves. You were such a gift to me, I'm writing this as a memorial to you and the love we shared, just the two of us, a love of ups and downs, mostly ups. Lots of laughter, kidding each other, flirting all of our marriage keeping the early days of our marriage alive until the last days, and you thought the days of journal entries were over, no my love they continue. I miss you so much... as you would say each time you left the house or kissed me good night... I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.
Love you, Lynne


Pat said...

A precious, touching tribute to an amazing man and the love you two share.
My heart goes out to you and this difficult time in your life, dear friend!!!
May God give you His comfort and peace for the journey ahead.

Rhonda said...

Such sweet, poignant words, Lynne! How wonderful to have had such a loving relationship for 35 years. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time.

Pinky at Designs by Pinky said...

Oh Lynne, this is a BEAUTIFUL tribute to the love of your life. I wish I was nearby so I could help you out in some way. Hang on to all those precious memories!XOXO

Scribbler said...

My deepest sympathy on the death of your husband. I just saw this today on FB, and attempted to message you. However, I not doing so well with this iPad, and I think it messed up.

Your tribute was so touching and heartbreaking, and I wish you peace and love.


Ginger said...

Oh Lynne, what a beautiful letter of love to Mr. P. Although you are sad to lose him, I can tell you loved every minute with him right to the end. It takes time to get over the loss of a loved one (if you ever do), and you have to rely on the wonderful memories of your life together, to see you through.
Hugs, Ginger

Liz@ HomeandGardeningWithLiz said...

True love has no boundaries or limits. You two lived in love and loved living with each other. It doesn't get any better than that. I hope as time goes on you will feel an easing of the heartache and sense of loss and that you will be comforted by all the loving memories and good times.

Sue said...

Lynne, I am so very, very sorry to hear of your loss! I did not know about it until your post arrived in my e-mail today.
Your love letter is so beautifully written! Thanks for sharing it with us.
I pray that you are comforted and will find peace in all the wonderful memories that are yours & yours alone, forever.
Please take care and spend time doing things that make you happy.

Mary@mydogsmygardenandmary said...

Oh Lynne, I was so sorry to learn of your husbands passing. You letter to Mr. P was beautiful.
You have so many wonderful memories that will be with you. I pray that you are comforted that he will always be in your heart.
Take care of yourself and God Bless you.

Alycia Nichols said...

God bless your little heart.

Anonymous said...

Oh, dear Lynne! This letter to Mr. P is just so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this with us. You've been in my thoughts and prayers. Keep those sweet thoughts and memories of your and Mr. P's a live. I pray you'll feel God's loving arms around you. What a comfort he is with Jesus and we know as Christians, we'll see our loved ones again.
Love you,

Yarlette said...

So very sorry to hear that your husband has passed .you are in my thoughts and prayers. That was a beautiful letter to Mr. P thank you for sharing it.

Phyllis @Around the House said...

So very sorry Lynn, I know your struggles have been many...Just heard the news of your beloved Mr. P. how the time flies, I remember you having your sale...take care my friend I hope only peace and happiness for you and your family...phyllis

Lee said...

I am so sorry to hear this. I had no idea. Your words are so beautiful. May God bless you. I am so sorry.

Marty@A Stroll Thru Life said...

Such Love. God Bless. Hugs, Marty

The Decorative Dreamer said...

Oh Lynne! I am so sorry to read of the loss of your husband, My heart goes out to you and I will certainly keep you in my prayers. What a sweet letter of love! May God hold you close and may you find comfort in HIS promises to come. Warm hugs!

Glenda/MidSouth said...

Oh Lynne I am so very sorry for your loss!! :( Your letter to Mr. P is beautiful. I know this has been a very difficult journey for you both since he was diagnosed. Take care of your self. (((hugs)))
I am just now seeing this.

Bonnie said...

Lynne, This is a beautiful tribute to your husband. There are many people that could learn so much from you. I hope you continue to journal and share your marriage journey as well as his illness and how you both coped.

May God continue to comfort and heal your grieving heart. I am so humbled and moved by your letter to your dear Mr. P.

Barbara said...

What an amazing memorial. So Inspiring and challenging. bless You Lynne.

Leslie Harris said...

Oh Lynne. I am writing these words through tears. I ache for you my friend because you have lost your beloved husband and best friend but I am so touched by this beautiful story of your marriage. I can only imagine what these last months must have been like for you and while that are no words that feel adequate, please know that I am thinking of you and sending you prayers for healing. Just take one day at a time my friend.

Curtains in My Tree said...

I am so sorry another sweet lady has experienced this part of life. We never thought the day like this would ever enter our lives when we were young and first married. I guess it's better not to know the ending of our dreams .
This was a sweet memorial to your marriage. As I have aged I say Life is Hard , like was so sweet for so long, I try to remember only the good days of life to stop the tears , I just wish I had been smarter and appreciated life more back then.
I am sure life will be sweet again just different kind of sweet,
take care

santamaker said...

Dear old friend, I don't do much blogging anymore, but when I happened upon this post my heart broke for you. I'm so sorry to hear your best friend and love has passed on. From these words and the many you have written in past posts about your sweetheart, one call tell that he was very well loved and cherished by you. He was a very lucky guy ! Hang in there my friend, as you start the next chapter of your life, I wish you many happy days ahead. Rose

jerseygirl211 said...

Dear Lynne, As you can tell, I haven't visited your blog for a while. I can't begin to express how badly I feel for you, for your loss. Your tribute to your husband is so inspiring, thank you for sharing it with us. I often wonder why couples, who have such a loving marriage and relationship, are parted way to soon, that has always bothered me, and weighs heavy of my heart. I've seen it happen to many times.
My wish for you, Dear Lady, is that time will help to heal your heart a little, so that you can find some contentment in life. Stay well and be strong.
(((((((((HUGS)))))))) & ♥

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

I am just catching up with you,Lynne. I have been where you are..
My sweet girl..hang in there. It's not easy but you can do it..I thought I would die of the pain but I didn't and neither will you. This was a beautiful tribute to your beloved husband. Just beautiful!

Jaybird said...

I just found this today...such a lovely tribute.
Blessings to you dear lady,

Jaybird said...

I just found this today...such a lovely tribute.
Blessings to you dear lady,