Thursday, February 12, 2015

Down the Rabbit Hole, Hard to Believe it's Been a Year

I fell down the rabbit hole
a year ago. Saying goodbye to my best friend, my hubby, my confident and so much more. There's been many trials and tribulations this past year.


Many days I wondered if I could make it through to another day. I would reflect back upon all the fun times we had. Dancing on the weekends, and you said you never danced before, we could clear the floor with all of our moves. Flying to California to see Grandma before we lost her. A couple of trips to Tennessee oh the fun we had in that plane. The many trips to Nebraska to be with your family. Moving to the Lake of the Ozarks due to stress and ugliness around us in our home town. Skiing on the lake everyday and enjoying life to the fullest. We survived all of those rough times. We moved back only for you to decide to make a living driving a truck over the road, to be gone 2 and 3 weeks at a time. Trials and tribulations continued with each thing thrown at us we made it through together.

My faith has been tested and I've endured, for with out it I couldn't have made it through this past year. Heaven was singing loudly the day I lost you. The trumpets playing had to be loud and long. Oh how I miss you and that little boy grin. I'm doing OK getting stronger each day. Those in the outside world came and asked for personal "family" items, I gave them to them still playing nice in the sandbox, to be told I'm not blood. The cruel treatment I felt was insurmountable, I felt as though I lost you all over again. At the end of the day they are minuscule materialistic "things", they can have those things what they can't take or have are my memories and all the fun we had over the last 35 years. I know you said it wouldn't happen, I told you it would, I think you would feel ashamed of some of the things that have occurred. Again, it's OK, I lived that for 35 years, now I'm free of that ugliness, I have my love and memories to keep me warm at night.

I'm slowly climbing to the top from the bottom of the rabbit hole. So today I celebrate you and the gift I had in having you as my husband for the past 35 years. I hope you're dancing and singing in Heaven with all of our loved ones that have gone on before us. I miss and love you like crazy.  As we said to each other every evening,

                                      I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.



 ~ Lynne ~

12 comments:

Shenita @ Embellishments by SLR said...

What a beautiful post, Lynne. Cherish the memories that you have; and leave all the ugliness on the outside. No one can ever take your memories away!

Glenda/MidSouth said...

Beautifully written!! Sorry you had to deal with those who came with their demands. ((hugs))

Diva Kreszl said...

Oh sweet Lynne I so understand this loss and how difficult and long the journey is to climb out of the rabbit hole. I too have fallen, after each loss it seemed to be harder to rise again, sadly I know that the season of loss is always waiting. At my age I imagine many more losses to come but I also know that with each triumph of getting out of the hole the world and it's magic seems even more beautiful. May you find renewed beauty and may the sadness of your loss be replaced by joyful memories. Such a loss changes a person, we learn to move on but it is always there.

marty (A Stroll Thru Life) said...

Such a precious, loving post. God Bless.

Alycia Nichols said...

Geez Louise, Lynne. This just put a lump the size of a cantaloupe in my throat! I know you miss him. How could you not? I'm just sorry that others with cruel intentions have made the loss that much harder on you. I don't understand how or why people act that way, but sometimes they do...and we just have to find a way to make it OK by understanding that it is THEIR problem, not ours. Like you said, it's just material thing they took. They can never take away your memories, though, and THAT'S what counts.

You know I wish you well, girl. I'm sending you a big ol' 'virtual hug that lasts for a long time and cuts your breathing off for a second so that you know I really mean it from the heart! :-)

Marigene said...

So sorry you had to suffer the ugliness of family while trying to grieve. They say what goes around, comes around.

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

Yes..I believe a year has passed. I thought you did very well. It's always such a adjustment, but when a loved one gets so ill and is suffering...I think it's different than just SUDDENLY without warning losing them. Pat's was sudden. It's been seventeen years and I now realize the sense of great loss will be with me until I die too. Just a fact. There isn't a day I don't think of my daughter and my husband and hurts so much I just want to be with them.. It passes and is bearable because there is no other choice. You have so much to keep you busy, Lynne, and I think that is the key to moving forward. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. I hope one day you find love again. I did..not the same but a reason to live and someone to care for. There will be more loss. My time is coming to an end..and I don't even mind. I think it gets that way. Take good care,
Mona

Kathleen said...

I pray for your comfort, peace and healing. I hope for every mean act there was a kind one to balance. Focus on the good and your happy memories.

Laurie Ritchey said...

Lynne, this is such a beautiful tribute to your husband and a testament to your strength. You've had so much to deal with, and you have dealt with it beautifully. I'm sending you a big pat on the back. Playing nicely in the sandbox is hard when others don't play nicely, and especially difficult when you are trying to grieve. I know your husband is watching you, and I know he's so proud of you. I'm sending you a big hug too. I hope you can feel it.

Rue said...

Big hugs to you....


xo,
rue

Leslie Harris said...

I hope you got my recent email Lynne. So you know what i think of that painful treatment by the 'family.' I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that when you were going through so much sadness and loss. Reading this post made me feel like crying, it's so beautiful and vulnerable and honest. I pray that each day you feel stronger and your heart continues to heal. Wish you were closer iId come get you and take you out to coffee.

lc520 said...

Thank you for giving your readers the opportunity to balance the cruel comments of a few dolts (can't pick the relatives) with our respect and and admiration for your grace. They are blessed to learn from your example, to grow from your steady, calm perspective and to admire the deepest love of all: what you and Mr. P shared during your days together. Nothing can change or diminish that bond. Shake 'em off and know how many other folks you enrich with your light.