Monday, January 6, 2014

Ranting a Little

While many of you are reinventing vignettes, painting furniture, redoing your homes, our world revolves around medicine bottles and exercises. For the past 5 years I've taken care of Mr. P trying to keep him on his feet and upbeat as possible. Who truly knows what goes on inside the brain of a person who has Alzheimer's. They tend to say the silliest off the wall things, they repeat constantly and you allow them to do so, they get fixated on the smallest of tasks, again you let them go and remember how those big hands once did the strongest of tasks. Good days are spent sitting talking about things that happened so long ago, bad days are checking on him continually while he sleeps. The last couple of days have been good days, he's been alert and eating well.

For those of you new to the blog or have missed the last few posts here is short update.

The middle of December our world was rocked upside down, the nauseous tummy was given a title. For the past 31/2 years the doctors constantly ordered medication for a nauseous tummy they thought was after effects of the gall bladder being removed. Scans and GED tests showed nothing, these last tests gave that a title. The big C came into our lives, rocked our world right upside down. When telling a few people their comments were-- you were expecting this. Are you tired of taking care of him already? Can you handle this? on and on.... lack of compassion and understanding makes me so angry. NO! We were not expecting this, NO! I'm not tired of taking care of him. Can I handle this? I've been handling it for a long time..I'll continue to do so.  Are there days where I'm overly sad and down, yes there are, are there going to be more? I'm sure there will be. For now I'm doing fine, after all it isn't about me.

With temperatures at -11 and a windchill of -23 there won't be any walking of the dog today, feeling the sun and wind on my face looking up to the heavens and constantly asking why him.

If you have a friend or family member facing these obstacles in their lives, be patient and understanding, use a little compassion and realize their world is being turned upside down. Don't abandon them, they need you more than ever.
I had to get a few things off my mind, so thanks for reading my small rant.


Pat said...

Dear, dear can 'rant' with me anytime!
My beloved Mother~in~law was in our loca lNursing Home and under our supervision for 7 1/2 years with similar health issues.
No one, truly, understands the needs of the "Caregiver" until they have experienced it for themselves!!!
My prayers continue for you both, dear friend!!!
Even with negative temperatures, here on my side of the Prairie...the sun is shining and a bird is singing outside my window.
Know that you are in God's care...even when life seems the bleakest!

artis1111 said...

I have seen so many of our customers that have had this terrible disease, I have seen the people we have known for years sit and you know they are not there. I have seen the passing of a lot of ladies who I remember with a smile at the things that they did or said to make my day. Wearing a hat in with rabbit ears was one 98 year old lady. I now wear my hat with the rabbit ears to work near Easter. I wear costumes at Halloween, because they get so much pleasure from it. I take paintings to the salon , and they enjoy looking at what is new. I serve my mom's punch at Christmas and they remember it year to year. I know by next year there may be one or two less who have succumbed to this awful disease. I still try to smile at the ones that still come to the salon, and will remember the smiles they once gave me.

Brenda said...

Lynne, one thing I have learned about you from reading your blog is that you are a strong woman. Mr. P. is such a fortunate man to have you as his wife and caregiver. I hope that you have a support system for YOU; you need that to stay strong for him. Just know that I admire your love and devotion to Mr. P...."in sickness and in health..." Blessings to you.

Ginger said...

Lynne, I am sorry to read this. I know from experience how hard it is to be a caretaker , as I took care of my mom for 5 years before she died. I didn't have any help and it took a toll on me. I had a few comments from my family that didn't sit well, no one understood. But looking back on it, I am so glad I was there for her. Now I am battling breast cancer and I am getting some "stupid" comments from family again. They say things like "you are so lucky that it hasn't spread, so many people are worse off than you, now get over it". I'm starting radiation tomorrow and I'm nervous, but there again I hear "you are making a big deal of it". Grrrr I don't think they even realize how their comments hurt.
I will say a prayer for you and Mr. P.

Lynne (lynnesgiftsfromtheheart) said...

I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of this. Yes, the comments people say are meant to help and console and they don't. People say they don't realize what they're saying, how hard is if for people to think before they speak. My thoughts and prayers are with you during your time, wish I could be there and wrap my arms around you and just give you a hug!!

Unknown said...

Lynne we are going through this as well with someone in our family. His wife needs a lot of encouragement from us as family members, and she isn't allowed to leave his sight. My better half is living there part time to give her a much needed break. It has to be so hard. I'm so sorry your family has to face this challenge, and I hope that you have more days filled with support of friends and family than days where you might feel alone.

Unknown said...

oh Lynne, I know your pain, but my friend your not along. mr p is so lucky to have you. if I can be any help please call. Stay warm my friend it's so cold today. Sending hugs and prayers. pat

Unknown said...

oh Lynne, I know your pain, but my friend your not along. mr p is so lucky to have you. if I can be any help please call. Stay warm my friend it's so cold today. Sending hugs and prayers. pat

Sue said...

Lynne, I am so sorry to see the latest developments that you are facing. When I first saw your "end of the year update" post in my e-mail, I was so happy (I've missed you and have wondered how you were doing) but then when I started reading your post I was immediately saddened. Being a caregiver can be so very tough. I do so hope that you have some family and/or friends who can give you a bit of a break once or twice a week. I know that when a person is in a situation like you are right now it can be very hard to remember that, "behind all those clouds there is a sun and it will shine again".
It really is very sad when even family members and close friends don't understand and say all the wrong things. I've been going through health issues for the past 6 years --- so have been dealing with things being said that can be very hurtful -- especially when the words come from someone so close to you. I have now finally, just recently come up with what to say in return. Here is what it is: "It's easy to judge someone if you haven't walked a mile in their shoes". This quote can be change, switched up and customized to fit any given situation you are faced with. Can even be turned into a question in response to questions lacking in compassion & understanding.
Anyway, have you ever heard of Jeff & Sherri Easter? She wrote a song, during a low time in her life, called "Roses Will Bloom Again". It has helped me through some very rough times. Here is the link to it on You-tube, if you care to listen to it.

I wish you the very best, Lynne.

Alycia Nichols said...

Rant on, sister!!! You know that I spent a lot of time with my Dad who had Alzheimer's for many years. Not nearly as much time as you do with you hubby because I live 20 minutes away from my parents' home, but enough time to be very familiar with all the symptoms of the disease that you mention. Hearing him repeat stories really never got old for me. I'd just listen and respond as if I was hearing it all for the first time. I never wanted him to lose an iota of dignity, and to do that I had to just remember exactly what you said: It's not about me!!! I think you know I also cared for Daddy and lived with him in hospice, and it was never a burden. It was an honor to be able to take care of the person who took care of me for so long. So if someone says something stupid and insensitive to you, refer them to me. I'll kick 'em in the nads.

Love, warmth, better days, and God's love to you both.

Bargain Decorating with Laurie said...

You know I'm praying for the two of you. Hugs, Laurie

Mary@mydogsmygardenandmary said...

Oh Lynne, sometimes people are so cruel. My hats off to you ... when you marry it's for better or worse, sickness and in health. I am praying for you and MR. P. Hang in there - you have many many blogging friends who there for you so you rant all you want. Get it off your chest you will feel so much better.
God bless.

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

I wish I could say I understood. I've lost two husbands and being a caretaker is not an easy thing, it's daunting. When I say I don't understand, it's because my husbands brains were not effected. The has to be one of the hardest things in the world to go through.
I've had lots of loss but it was different than yours. To say I'm sorry is putting it mildly. I hope you have help. I remember needing a break so badly that I would go where he couldn't hear me and sob..get myself together and be there for him. Once in the very beginning I broke down in front of him..and I will regret it until I die. Watching a dear one suffer is ...horrible. Many of us question why. I know I do.

I'm so sorry if someone appeared to be rude or hurtful to you. I know it happens, but thankfully not often.
My love to you, day this will be over and you will get your footing back and your world will go on. Sometimes folks say things and do not realize how it sounds.
Your poor dear husband. I am so sorry this has happened to him.

Anonymous said...

Dear Lynne, You and Mr. P are on my prayer list. I can't imagine what you're going through. I know this is so sad as I have seen friends have to go through this. You're quite a strong and loving woman and I'm sending love and hugs.
be a sweetie,
Shelia ;)

Glenda/MidSouth said...

Lynne - I am sending you a big (((hug))).
Mr. P is very fortunate to have you in his life.
You are a very strong person, and I will continue to keep you both in my prayers.
Some people don't deserve a response - walk away from them. You have more important things to deal with.

Blondie's Journal said...


I just left a comment on your previous post. I had no idea of the upheaval that happened in December. It's a shame that people make the comments they do when they have no idea what you are going through. Just plain ignorance. But you have enough to worry about...write it off. You are a strong and capable woman and I'm sure you will do all that you can to keep your dear husband comfortable and just "be" there for him. When all is said and done, there will be a pair of angel wings waiting for you, I'm sure. Much love.


Pinky at Designs by Pinky said...

You can RANT all you want, no problem. I totally get it. I took care of my Mom for 5 years. It was very, very hard and each day brought new issues, decisions to make, etc. Thank God I was young; she is gone 22 years now. If I had to do it now I don't know if I could....physically. You are a wonderful wife and care giver. I also know about asking WHY.... Praying for you and Mr. P. XOXO